Surviving the Doldrums

dol·drums

ˈdōldrəmz,ˈdäldrəmz/

noun

1. a state or period of inactivity, stagnation, or depression.

   
   

   synonyms:

   depression, melancholy, gloom, gloominess, downheartedness, dejection, despondency, low spirits, despair;
2. an equatorial region of the Atlantic Ocean with calms, sudden storms, and light unpredictable winds.
   
   
   
   
   
   Check out the definitions at the top of this page! Wow! These definitions are right on the money. If you've ever found yourself feeling a bit off-kilter, discombobulated, a tad sad, or just feeling yucky, you might agree that "the doldrums" describes how you are feeling.
   
   
   I found myself the entire past week floating around unhappily in the doldrums. And I wasn't really sure why. I finished an assignment for school. Check. I did my taxes. Check. I finished some other time-sensitive paperwork. Check. But I just couldn't seem to identify the problem nor could I shake it. Nothing profound...or even minor occurred. It was just a regular week. A good week actually.
   
   
   So what the heck?
   
   
   I spent some time with my spiritual advisor trying to dig in. Maybe more would be revealed at the core. It wasn't. 
   
   
   And, of course, I discussed it with God. Nothing much forthcoming from that avenue. Now as a ministerial student, a seeker of Truth, you might think I would have something really deep and powerful to say here. Sorry to disappoint. Sometimes I get nothing. Okay...not  exactly nothing...but less than what I had hoped. 
   
   
   So I stopped trying to figure it out. I just went ahead and floated in it. Not a pretty picture but resisting it, working to make it go away, running from it, resorting to old behaviors to escape (this involved lots of chocolate), these maneuvers were pointless. 
   
   
   While I floated I engaged in plenty of prayer. Lots of gratitude, even though I certainly wasn't feeling grateful. I kept myself busy with pruning bushes and washing the dogs. I went to LOTS of recovery meetings. I also kept myself busy ignoring the phone and crawling in the bed. Basically I tried to be balanced with my misery. I participated in self-care from every angle.
   
   
   When I woke up this morning, I felt it still there. I immediately rolled out of bed and onto my knees (stopping first to grab a pillow for said knees) and asked that it be removed. This was not the first time I asked but who's counting. Finally I felt it being lifted from me. I still don't know what these doldrums were about. 
   
   
   It could have been...literally...planetary. It could have been something I was eating (God knows there was plenty of eating). It could have been environmental allergies. It could...blah blah blah! Really what difference does it make? I'm human just like you and I have a yucky day here and there. Or week. I'm still learning how to deal with the yuck.
   
   From the daily reading: Each Day A New Beginning: "We must move with time. We must focus our attention on the moment and accept whatever feelings each experience elicits. Emotional maturity is accepting our feelings and letting them go the next moment with fresh receptivity. Our lessons are many and they accompany the lows as well as the highs."
   
   More from the same reading: "There is purpose in how our life unfolds, the ups and downs serve our growth. We must neither resent the doldrums nor savor too long the elation. Giving too much attention to either state interferes with our awareness of the present. And the present has come to teach us."