Shhhhhh.............

…A time to keep silence

And a time to speak.

Ecclesiastes 3:7

There is a tiny chapel very near my home. I pass it frequently as I pedal to and from the post office. The church helpfully displays a large sign inviting passersby to utilize the chapel. I do so often. I visited it today, and as usual, it was empty. This makes me happy because as I enter and approach the small alter, I wish to speak openly, freely and out-loud to my Source. Of course, this isn’t necessary. It never is. I speak aloud for my own benefit.

I stared at the expanse of red carpet and realize I still wish to see a map unfold before me. Still. After all these years I want the whole script. I’m a slow learner, I guess. Am I short on faith?

After a time of quiet sitting, waiting for God to speak, perfect stillness, exquisite silence fills my soul and I am refreshed and filled with peace. I feel God’s presence coursing through me. Watching my breath as it travels in and out, aware of my heartbeat and nothing else silences my voice. This is meditation.

Later I sit at the end of the dock, my home away from home. The grey day, clouds heavy and low, press in on me. I watch the waves rolling across the lake, kicked up by the strong breeze. I let this breeze blow out the cobwebs; those of wanting to know more, more than I’ve been given to know. I want a report card, a progress report. I certainly know I cannot rely on my feelings because feelings are fickle and untrustworthy…well, mine are.

And my mind?...wildly unreliable. As I sit on the dock and put down the pen for a moment, my mind is deciding what to have for lunch (I just ate!). My mind is trying on different methods to control the weeds that are encroaching on my winter garden bed. My mind is having a “pretend” conversation with a friend. All this happens in seconds of time. Oh…and now I’m looking at a crack on the flooring of the dock and wondering if my notebook would fit through there.

See what I mean…my mind is chaotic and out of control. My feelings are all over the place some days, so sitting still and silent is my only remedy for peace. Allowing my mind to “think” what God might have in mind for me is insanity.

For me, there is no road map, there are no solar lights, flash lights or traffic lights leading me. Only my inner light that reveals one step at a time. Sitting in the silence. Becoming VERY still is the only thing I can do.

And trust. Trust that God is leading me.

And you.