Practice Makes Perfect

My head has been filled the last couple days with the walk. Though I have SAID I'm going back on the road, I haven't always been totally sure of it.

Many mornings I have been brought to consciousness by bizarre dreams. Often I keep a notebook and pencil on the mattress with me to record these dreams because otherwise, by the time daylight is creeping through the blinds, my dreams have crept away. On these somewhat unsettled times of awakening, I wonder what my life has become. Certainly I have done a lot this past year and accomplished much with little to show for it. This fact leaves me unsettled. Not having a clear direction is debilitating.

So this morning I went into a meditative journaling time, a free-flowing write it all down and don't analyze it as you go kind of meditative process. I've shared with about 3 people my desire to walk again, when I might go, what needs to happen first etc. People are no longer shocked, thank goodness. I spent a lot of energy explaining all of that before. The short answer, the only answer is this: I WANT TO!

Yesterday, Jack and I were on our daily walk, gaining back strength and endurance, especially with the summertime heat on the rise. We stopped at a convenience store about half way through our 5 mile trek to get a bottle of water to share. Outside I meet this guy named David. I wish I had taken a pic of him to share with you but I didn't think about it till later. This happens every time I connect with someone on the soul level. I get so into them that I forget everything...time, pictures, the whole works. This is an indicator of reaching your bliss state. The people I connected with on leg one of my walk, the people I pray with at church on Sunday, and the people I open up to like David, this is what I live for, what brings me joy, what brings me bliss!

I've always considered myself a pretty reclusive person; one who could live in the woods and be happy as a clam. I'm not so sure that is true any longer. Probably hasn't ever been true. But to avoid pain, hurt and judgmental experiences, I've pulled inward. I think many of us have. I have kept people at an arm's distance and though I've prayed for the last several years for God to open me up, I didn't really get what that meant. Not all of it anyway. But one thing I'm discovering, even as I share this on the worldwide web, is opening up means a lot more than I thought. And that those connections are what I crave, what I hunger for, what I cannot live without.

Staying here in my cozy little studio apartment, working on my novel, sharpening my speaking skills, well these are all fine and dandy activities, nothing wrong with them, but I can see myself isolated further. By my own choices, by my own hand.

I do not want that. I want you. I want to know you. I want to connect with you. And THIS I can do as I walk across America. And if I run into problems again and need to return home...that's OK.

Because practice makes perfect.