Choosing to be Blessed!

My wisteria blooming right here in my yard!

My incoming greenbacks have shrunk in number. This is directly because of choices I’ve made. I wanted to spend each of my 24 hours “being” rather than “doing”. And any “doing” that I wanted to “do”, I wanted to choose. 

Working at a normal, mainstream, traditional job, or even working for oneself, naturally creates limitations on ones ability to pick and choose beingness. I was seriously sick and tired of getting up each morning and trying to squeeze in prayer and meditation and all the other early morning duties and rituals, rush off to work for the day and get up and do it again the next day. And again. Was joy present at this job? Of course, but glutton that I am, I wanted more. I wanted to expand even larger.

            But for me, perhaps not for you, this comes at a cost that appears quite restrictive. For some, unbearable. For when I made the choice to spend my days “being”, I also made the choice to spend my days with much less “having”. The things that are often commonplace in our culture: the mindless shopping, humorously called “retail therapy”; the visits to theatres, restaurants, clothing stores, vacations, home improvements; even frequent stops at Starbucks; these are things I no longer do. Even a stop at Goodwill can cause me financial discomfort.

I’ve found myself sucked into a muddy pit of pity. Poor me, the hapless victim. Friends would say, “Oh my gosh, I only have $42 to last till Friday.” And I’d pipe up with something slimy to make them feel guilty like, “That sounds like $420 to me, so don’t complain.” I liked to sound all righteous in my instructive indignation. None of my friends pointed out that this was MY choice. Whew! I lucked out on that one.

As I reside in my safe haven, far from true poverty, true destitution, I see myself, on good days, on clear days, blessed beyond belief. Every need has been perfectly provided. Not, certainly not, every want, but yes, every need. I have begun to see with crystal clear vision, that the mindset of poverty or lack seeps out of my being in all directions. This seepage, like sewage, poisons my own views toward myself and toward my loving, caring and omnipotent provider, my Source. 

A young man, a friend of my family, colors my hair, hiding the grey that offends me. He does it for a small love offering. I have viewed this as crumbs off the floor, a choice made by me to save money rather than go to my old salon. Would it not reveal more love and gratitude to see it as the gift that it is? A gift from the Spirit of Life, from Source. I’ve viewed it as something I must endure. How sad. How pathetic. How snobby!

My downtrodden and underdog attitude sneaks out and I find that something as basic as the way I carry my body has also felt the poison. The way I walk through my day, the way I wear my clothes, the way I hold my head on top of my shoulders confirms with every step my poverty consciousness.

But I must stop this thinking here and now for how blessed am I that a paradigm shift has occurred. Yes, slowly, but it has and is moving me in a new direction. One that recognizes that I actually AM doing what I want and living the way I please. It’s happening everyday. I can see my beautiful world through eyes of abundance and gratitude. So now I have all the time I want to seek that state of being. To embrace more of God and to exude more of God. I have more joy in connection with others; more peace on a cellular level; more stillness and silence; more time to live.

Yes, I now have time to live. As I sit here on my baby blue quilt with my cat, Willow, purring loudly by my side and my dog, Jack, gnawing loudly on her bone on the floor beside me, I recognize that rarely have I experienced such exquisite peace. Outside my window, brilliant red cardinals snack at the bird feeders and butterflies visit my tomato plants. The breeze rustles the leaves and the October sun shines merrily overhead, mimicking how my soul sings deep within me. 

All is wonderfully well. May you, also, experience abundant joy.