At the Clothesline

About 31 yrs ago I was married, had a 10 yr old son and a 4 yr old son and a newborn baby girl. I also had a 5 yr old 120 pound Great Dane named Crystal, whom I loved. I had taken the baby and gone to the movies with my friend. While I was gone all hell broke loose. Literally. Apparently, Crystal had gotten away from whomever was handling her and attacked a neighbor’s dog. My then-husband, for whatever reason, got his rifle and killed my dog. By the time I returned home he had already “bagged” her and disposed of her somewhere. I still don’t know why. In any event, I was beside myself with confusion and rage. I was a wreck.

A couple of days later I was hanging out diapers on the clothesline. I was in such a dark place, so desperate and still so very, very angry. I remember crying, sobbing really, as I reached down into the clothes basket, grabbed a sweet smelling clean diaper, shook it out and clipped it to the clothesline. I called out to God through my weeping to please! please! please! help me. I remember saying “I can’t fix this one, I’m so very lost and confused, please help me.” I let go of everything, acknowledging my helplessness.

And then it happened, right there at the clothesline. I was engulfed in love, in grace. As I walked back to the house, I physically felt an arm around my shoulders. My inner being and my outer environment were filled with love. There is no other word for it than love, light, grace.

God met me at the clothesline.