Free-er

MY fingers were drawn to one card. I moved the others out of the way and read the letters printed on "mine"...SPONTANEITY. You're kidding, right God? Well now wait one damn minute! Because the last thing that trip was was spontaneous though the spark of idea certainly was. So my next step should be more spontaneous and less "all figured out"? The all-figured-out-route didn't work so well for me. It did feature a lot of Linda-in-control aspects such as dragging all my baggage, figuratively as well as physically. My desire has been for some time, and I honestly thought I'd achieved it, to release, let go, become free of heavy possessions.

I found I hadn't.


A lot of the physical stuff was gone but the padlock anchoring me to the attachments remained. I've discovered there is more to releasing than merely dumping the stuff. For some people, getting rid of the stuff is not necessary, though for me I feel it was. Especially since I now sit in a near empty home with little to do besides diving deeper within.

But God is good and continues to work with me if I'm receptive, teachable. I've arrived back in the garden of teachability. My heart has softened after the anger and grief subsided. The softening results in opening like the brand new spring leaves bursting open.

I knew that additional shedding of those crusty layers would continue but I believed they would fall of gently and effortlessly while I walked. Silly me! Who knew that nearly immediately I would slam headfirst into concrete walls of my own construction.

Still I live.
I breathe.
I dream.

And I continue with enthusiasm and excitement to discover what is mine to do next. Less remains to impede my progress.

I am, if not completely free...free-er.